Festival of Shadows Read online

  “I want a rematch!” Ludwig said, stomping up and down.

  “Give me your arm,” Theo said.

  “Keep dreaming, teddy!”

  “I said give me your arm.”

  Ludwig laughed, but Theo moved quickly. He grabbed Ludwig’s arm, yanked it off and hit him over the head with it.

  “Thanks.”

  Ludwig tried to get up, but the big baby stomped over and sat on him.

  “Baby doesn’t like you,” the halibut said.

  Ludwig struggled under the baby and then groaned.

  Theo plucked off Ludwig’s pointer finger and threw the rest of the arm back at him. “Change of heart.”

  He left the bar as everyone cheered at him.

  ~ Continue.

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  “Balloon-breathing—”

  ~ “toddler bane.”

  ~ “baby scratcher.”

  ~ “giggle brain.”

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  “Balloon-breathing toddler bane, eh?” the halibut asked. “That would explain his breath.”

  The big baby laughed so hard that he fell off the bar.

  “We have a winner!” the halibut yelled, holding up Theo’s hand.

  “I want a rematch!” Ludwig said, stomping up and down.

  “Give me your arm,” Theo said.

  “Keep dreaming, teddy!”

  “I said give me your arm.”

  Ludwig laughed, but Theo moved quickly. He grabbed Ludwig’s arm, yanked it off and hit him over the head with it.

  “Thanks.”

  Ludwig tried to get up, but the big baby stomped over and sat on him.

  “Baby doesn’t like you,” the halibut said.

  Ludwig struggled under the baby and then groaned.

  Theo plucked off Ludwig’s pointer finger and threw the rest of the arm back at him. “Change of heart.”

  He left the bar as everyone cheered at him.

  ~ Continue.

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  “Balloon-breathing baby scratcher, eh?” the halibut asked. “Baby won’t be happy to hear that.”

  The big baby laughed so hard that he fell off the bar.

  “We have a winner!” the halibut yelled, holding up Theo’s hand.

  “I want a rematch!” Ludwig said, stomping up and down.

  “Give me your arm,” Theo said.

  “Keep dreaming, teddy!”

  “I said give me your arm.”

  Ludwig laughed, but Theo moved quickly. He grabbed Ludwig’s arm, yanked it off and hit him over the head with it.

  “Thanks.”

  Ludwig tried to get up, but the big baby stomped over and sat on him.

  “Baby doesn’t like you,” the halibut said.

  Ludwig struggled under the baby and then groaned.

  Theo plucked off Ludwig’s pointer finger and threw the rest of the arm back at him. “Change of heart.”

  He left the bar as everyone cheered at him.

  ~ Continue.

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  “Balloon-breathing giggle brain?” the halibut asked, scratching his head. “I’m getting a weird visual. Baby didn’t like it, either.”

  The big baby grabbed Theo by the neck, stomped over to the door, and tossed him out of the tavern.

  “And stay out!” Ludwig said as the baby slammed the door.

  “Ouch,” Theo said, sitting up.

  So much for stealing the key.

  ~ Continue.

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  “Lanky—”

  ~ “poop deck swabber.”

  ~ “lead-infused nail biter.”

  ~ “brussels sprout eater.”

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  “Lanky poop deck swabber, eh?” the halibut asked. “I can totally see that.”

  The big baby laughed so hard that he fell off the bar.

  “We have a winner!” the halibut yelled, holding up Theo’s hand.

  “I want a rematch!” Ludwig said, stomping up and down.

  “Give me your arm,” Theo said.

  “Keep dreaming, teddy!”

  “I said give me your arm.”

  Ludwig laughed, but Theo moved quickly. He grabbed Ludwig’s arm, yanked it off and hit him over the head with it.

  “Thanks.”

  Ludwig tried to get up, but the big baby stomped over and sat on him.

  “Baby doesn’t like you,” the halibut said.

  Ludwig struggled under the baby and then groaned.

  Theo plucked off Ludwig’s pointer finger and threw the rest of the arm back at him. “Change of heart.”

  He left the bar as everyone cheered at him.

  ~ Continue.

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  “Lead-infused nail biter?” the halibut asked. “Come on, lower your vocabulary. Baby doesn’t know what ‘infused’ means.”

  The big baby grabbed Theo by the neck, stomped over to the door, and tossed him out of the tavern.

  “And stay out!” Ludwig said as the baby slammed the door.

  “Ouch,” Theo said, sitting up.

  So much for stealing the key.

  ~ Continue.

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  “Lanky brussels sprout eater?” the halibut asked. “I hate brussels sprouts!”

  “Me too!” cried another toy.

  “Me too!”

  “Me too!”

  Ludwig looked around at everyone agreeing with each other, and he threw his sippy cup to the floor in anger.

  “Baby hates brussels sprouts, too,” the halibut said.

  The big baby laughed so hard that he fell off the bar.

  “We have a winner!” the halibut yelled, holding up Theo’s hand.

  “I want a rematch!” Ludwig said, stomping up and down.

  “Give me your arm,” Theo said.

  “Keep dreaming, teddy!”

  “I said give me your arm.”

  Ludwig laughed, but Theo moved quickly. He grabbed Ludwig’s arm, yanked it off and hit him over the head with it.

  “Thanks.”

  Ludwig tried to get up, but the big baby stomped over and sat on him.

  “Baby doesn’t like you,” the halibut said.

  Ludwig struggled under the baby and then groaned.

  Theo plucked off Ludwig’s pointer finger and threw the rest of the arm back at him. “Change of heart.”

  He left the bar as everyone cheered at him.

  ~ Continue.

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  “Bass-faced—”

  ~ “tack-gargling belly wobbler.”

  ~ “jack-o’-lantern.”

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  “I’m a bass-faced, tack-gargling belly wobbler? Arrgh,” Ludwig growled. “That was pretty good, I’ll admit.”

  The big baby giggled.

  “Baby liked it,” the halibut whispered to Theo. “Keep it up.”

  Ludwig scowled. “Well, you’re a plushy glooby disaster!”

  “I’d love to know what glooby means,” Theo said, as the bar laughed with him.

  “You’re a—”

  ~ “barnacl
e-eyed—”

  ~ “diaper-sniffing—”

  ~ “tweedle-dumming—”

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  “Barnacle-eyed—”

  ~ “pea for brains.”

  ~ “stinky butter stick.”

  ~ “candle nose.”

  “Barnacle-eyed pea for brains, eh?” the halibut asked. “That’s the first decent insult I’ve heard all night. Baby can’t stop laughing!”

  The big baby laughed so hard that he fell off the bar.

  “We have a winner!” the halibut yelled, holding up Theo’s hand.

  “I want a rematch!” Ludwig said, stomping up and down.

  “Give me your arm,” Theo said.

  “Keep dreaming, teddy!”

  “I said give me your arm.”

  Ludwig laughed, but Theo moved quickly. He grabbed Ludwig’s arm, yanked it off and hit him over the head with it.

  “Thanks.”

  Ludwig tried to get up, but the big baby stomped over and sat on him.

  “Baby doesn’t like you,” the halibut said.

  Ludwig struggled under the baby and then groaned.

  Theo plucked off Ludwig’s pointer finger and threw the rest of the arm back at him. “Change of heart.”

  He left the bar as everyone cheered at him.

  ~ Continue.

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  “Barnacle-eyed stinky butter stick, eh?” the halibut asked.

  Everyone in the bar snickered.

  “He said stinky . . .”

  “Stinky! Heh heh.”

  “I can’t believe he said that. So brave!”

  Ludwig looked around at everyone whispering, and he threw his sippy cup to the floor. “Arrrgh!”

  The big baby laughed so hard that he fell off the bar.

  “We have a winner!” the halibut yelled, holding up Theo’s hand.

  “I want a rematch!” Ludwig said, stomping up and down.

  “Give me your arm,” Theo said.

  “Keep dreaming, teddy!”

  “I said give me your arm.”

  Ludwig laughed, but Theo moved quickly. He grabbed Ludwig’s arm, yanked it off and hit him over the head with it.

  “Thanks.”

  Ludwig tried to get up, but the big baby stomped over and sat on him.

  “Baby doesn’t like you,” the halibut said.

  Ludwig struggled under the baby and then groaned.

  Theo plucked off Ludwig’s pointer finger and threw the rest of the arm back at him. “Change of heart.”

  He left the bar as everyone cheered at him.

  ~ Continue.

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  “Barnacle-eyed candle nose?” the halibut asked. “I love the visual, but baby doesn’t get it.”

  The big baby grabbed Theo by the neck, stomped over to the door, and tossed him out of the tavern.

  “And stay out!” Ludwig said as the baby slammed the door.

  “Ouch,” Theo said, sitting up.

  So much for stealing the key.

  ~ Continue.

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  “Diaper-sniffing—”

  ~ “peach face.”

  ~ “latex licker.”

  ~ “gas passer.”

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  “Diaper-sniffing peach face, eh?” the halibut asked. “I love the way you put words together. Baby does, too.”

  The big baby laughed so hard that he fell off the bar.

  “We have a winner!” the halibut yelled, holding up Theo’s hand.

  “I want a rematch!” Ludwig said, stomping up and down.

  “Give me your arm,” Theo said.

  “Keep dreaming, teddy!”

  “I said give me your arm.”

  Ludwig laughed, but Theo moved quickly. He grabbed Ludwig’s arm, yanked it off and hit him over the head with it.

  “Thanks.”

  Ludwig tried to get up, but the big baby stomped over and sat on him.

  “Baby doesn’t like you,” the halibut said.

  Ludwig struggled under the baby and then groaned.

  Theo plucked off Ludwig’s pointer finger and threw the rest of the arm back at him. “Change of heart.”

  He left the bar as everyone cheered at him.

  ~ Continue.

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  “Diaper-sniffing latex licker?” the halibut asked, scratching his head. “I don’t know. It just doesn’t have that lilt like an insult should. Baby is not happy with you right now.”

  The big baby grabbed Theo by the neck, stomped over to the door, and tossed him out of the tavern.

  “And stay out!” Ludwig said as the baby slammed the door.

  “Ouch,” Theo said, sitting up.

  So much for stealing the key.

  ~ Continue.

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  “Diaper-sniffing gas passer?” the halibut asked. “Oh man, that was awesome!”

  The big baby laughed so hard that he fell off the bar.

  “We have a winner!” the halibut yelled, holding up Theo’s hand.

  “I want a rematch!” Ludwig said, stomping up and down.

  “Give me your arm,” Theo said.

  “Keep dreaming, teddy!”

  “I said give me your arm.”

  Ludwig laughed, but Theo moved quickly. He grabbed Ludwig’s arm, yanked it off and hit him over the head with it.

  “Thanks.”

  Ludwig tried to get up, but the big baby stomped over and sat on him.

  “Baby doesn’t like you,” the halibut said.

  Ludwig struggled under the baby and then groaned.

  Theo plucked off Ludwig’s pointer finger and threw the rest of the arm back at him. “Change of heart.”

  He left the bar as everyone cheered at him.

  ~ Continue.

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  “Tweedle-dumming—”

  ~ “pickled earthworm pooper.”

  ~ “caddywhompus.”

  ~ “tweedle-dweeb.”

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  “Tweedle-dumming, pickled earthworm pooper?” the halibut asked, scratching his head. “First, what does tweedle-dumming mean? Second, where the heck do you get pickled earthworms? Third, I just don’t get why you’d be pooping them out. Your visuals are nasty, buddy. That was a colossal failure. You made Baby really mad.”

  The big baby grabbed Theo by the neck, stomped over to the door, and tossed him out of the tavern.

  “And stay out!” Ludwig said as the baby slammed the door.

  “Ouch,” Theo said, sitting up.

  So much for stealing the key.

  ~ Continue.

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  “Tweedle-dumming caddywhompus?” the halibut said, chuckling. “I don’t know what you just said, but it was hilarious. Baby agrees.”

  The big baby laughed so hard that he fell off the bar.

  “We have a winner!” the halibut yelled, holding up Theo’s hand.

  “I want a rematch!” Ludwig said, stomping up and down.